Grafted

In this episode of the Faith at Work podcast, hosts Ashley Smalley, Meredith, and Karleigh discuss the transformative journey of grafting a new family member into the Smalley family. They explore themes of faith, healing, and redemption, sharing personal stories of struggle and triumph. The conversation highlights the importance of community, the power of forgiveness, and the ongoing work of God in their lives. As they reflect on their experiences, they emphasize the significance of saying yes to God's calling and the hope that comes from sharing their stories.

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:09

It's the Faith at Work Podcast. Welcome back to the Faith at Work Podcast. I'm your host, Ashley Smalley. I'm here today with Meredith and Carly. Y'all say what's up? Hi. Greetings. Okay. Well, that's the energy that we're bringing for you today. You know, normally right here I say, uh, hey, y'all, what's been going on this week? Except for if we're being totally transparent, if that's a thing that we're into around here, and it is. This is the third episode that we've recorded this week because we set a goal for ourselves that we were going to get eight episodes recorded by the end of 2024. And when I said that, Carly looked like I had three heads. And uh, but here we are, and we are wrapping up episode number eight before Christmas. But we've done three in a row. And so I don't even know. Has anything new happened since last night?

unknown 1:01

No.

SPEAKER_03 1:03

My week looks like I've been hanging out with y'all.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

Yeah, and that's a pretty good week if you can get it. Let's see, it's Friday, and Christmas is start. Well, it starts for us on Monday, but Christmas Day is Wednesday. So like we've got the weekend, and then we're kind of into it. Our first family Thanksgiving is on first family Christmas is on Monday. And so we've kind of gotten a bow put on it. This is the last thing we're doing for the week. So we are we're working hard for y'all. We were we are mostly we're working hard for the Lord. Whatever he says to do, we do where he leads, we'll go. What is it that we said today? We were like, how do you summarize? How would you summarize 2024? And how what did you say?

SPEAKER_02 1:40

I said, I feel like the only way I could describe 2024 is take whatever you're comfortable with and do anything but that.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

And I was like, well, that has a bit of a negative spin to it. I think my summary would be uh 2024 is the year that we started saying yes when it made no sense. Well, on our last episode, we talked about the difference in coming to things with expectation that the Lord would move versus coming with expectations of exactly what that would look like and kind of the impact of coming with one but not the other. Uh, we talked about how we experience that in Holy Week, how we experience that in the community-wide revival, uh, how I'm a slow learner. I think y'all remember that part. Uh and we also talked about, you know, the the difference between uh coming kind of open-handed to the Lord and coming with a very specific idea of what we already want the answer to be when we approach him. Uh, this episode, we are going to be talking, we're kind of shift gears just a little bit, and we're gonna talk about family. Uh, specifically, we're gonna talk about the Smalley family and how the Lord grafted our family into a family of five from a family of four uh with the addition of a daughter. Uh, we felt like he was very, very clear about that. Um, but as we just said, 2024 is the year of doing things that aren't is not comfortable at all, or we say yes when it makes no sense, like uh talking publicly about grafting a new daughter into your family whenever you're in the middle of the grafting and it's still in the painful process. And uh and for Carly, that means talking about her past, which is Oh, I'm the daughter. Oh, Carly's the daughter. Hello, surprise. Hey y'all. Uh yeah. So Carly, the Lord, the Lord started adding Carly to our lives back in 2022. Uh and he's done an incredible and redeeming work in her. And uh it's been amazing to be a first-hand witness to. But let me tell you a thing about this kid is she is a nervous wreck to talk about herself, and she's only doing it for the hope that hearing how good God is and hearing that there is nothing he can't redeem and restore might give hope to someone else in a hopeless situation. And so I'm proud of you, sis. So Carly and I had this really important coffee uh in January of 2022, and she was incredibly anxious and depressed. She was overrun with Tourette's and OCD and social anxiety and all sorts of uh conditions plagued her. And she was desperate. And she had grown up in the church environment that you the second ha that she had the chance to get out, she got out because it wa it resulted in so much pain for her. Right. And it seemed inauthentic. It seemed hypocritical because of what you were experiencing. And so when you had the chance to run from God, you did. Him and his people. Fair? Yes. But in your desperation, you saw, and I I I would much rather you say this because it sounds so arrogant for me to say, and that's not how I mean it, but you saw something different in me. You saw Christ in me. You just didn't know that's what you were seeing.

SPEAKER_02 5:15

Yeah, I did. And also like I do want to say as well, we're ta we talk about the past and stuff that like I don't I'm not trying to dishonor or like disrespect uh people by telling the story at all.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

It's like what's your heart? Like, why do you why why does it need to be told?

SPEAKER_02 5:38

Because I know that there are people like me that maybe they've made it to 29 years old and there's still people out there that don't believe them or they found themselves at any point in their life feeling invisible and like stuck in the cycle of abuse or whatever, and thinking that no one, like not even God, cared about them. And like I know for me it was incredibly painful because the person doing most of the abusing was very publicly loved. You know?

SPEAKER_01 6:27

And kind of living a double life, so to speak.

SPEAKER_02 6:30

Put on an incredible show and was also great with other people's children. Um and so that left me kind of voiceless.

SPEAKER_01 6:43

And feeling like I would imagine if great with other people's kids and not great with me, then I must be the problem, right? So you carry that with you too.

SPEAKER_00 6:51

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 6:53

And it left me with because like who who's gonna believe that the person that everyone loves and who's wonderful with kids that could ever hurt her own child, you know? And I know that there are people out there because I've met them who have lived that or pieces of that. And I also know that there are people out there who haven't gotten to the point that I have gotten to where I found out that like God can change everything for you.

SPEAKER_00 7:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:28

Um, and like not not the version of God that people force upon you, but the one that you have to find for yourself. Um like the intimate relationship that you have to create for yourself. Um because there's not there's not a step-by-step, like every every individual relationship is very different with God, I think.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

As much as it would be any parent with any number of children, right? It's a different dynamic for all of them.

SPEAKER_02 8:01

Yeah. And I think a lot of uh people like me who have run from the church or God at any point, it was because it was presented to them in a way that you do X, Y, and Z or you're a goner.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

You know? So you you are wanting the reason you see it necessary to tell the story is one, because the Lord was very clear. Right. That's part of how he's bringing purpose from your pain. Um, and that the purpose being to cast hope and light into dark places where people are hurting in a way that you have hurt.

SPEAKER_02 8:39

Yeah. Like you there's no way for like if we're telling the story, there's no way for you to know what God brought me through unless Unless you say the hard parts. Yeah. Yeah. And so there's no disrespect or dishonor that's trying to happen to anyone who was ever in my life at that point. I'm just this is my reality. You know what I mean? Yeah, and and or was my reality.

SPEAKER_01 9:09

Well, no, like it is still it still is part of your reality in that you are still allowing the Lord to work through layer by layer of the things that you carry, the baggage that you carry because of that.

SPEAKER_02 9:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:21

Um so when we met in the coffee shop that day, Carly called, um, which was a very bold step to ask to talk. And when we got there, it was so evident that the Lord was in our midst, although I didn't really know what that meant um for us. Uh I heard a heart that was broken and hurting and desperate. And so you found yourself in the place where you were like, I mean, I've tried everything else. I remember you saying that, like, I've tried everything else to get better. I am hurting in so many ways because really unthinkable, unspeakable ways, like every way that a child could be abused or taken advantage of, you got to experience that on multiple occasions. And that creates scar tissue. That creates damage, mental, emotional, relational, kind of all of the things. And you felt very stuck.

SPEAKER_02 10:23

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

And so you were desperate enough, you're like, I'll try God again. And I know how how much he was already working that you would be willing to come back in the first place. And so we we met through work. Carly was handling the social media for Smalley Consulting, and um we ended up having coffee. And I told you about my significant struggles with anxiety and the way the Lord had brought me out of that, and that there was hope that just because that's where you are now doesn't mean that's where you always have to be, that the peace that passes understanding we find in a relationship with Jesus. And I guess that sounded equal parts terrifying and intriguing.

unknown 11:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:12

Um, but we started having conversation and we started having Bible study. I'll never forget the day that you were like, hey, is there a like if I'm gonna get a Bible, is there like a name brand one I need to get, or is the great value brand okay, you know?

SPEAKER_02 11:28

I was a lot of steps outside of the church at the time.

SPEAKER_01 11:32

And so we started doing Bible study together and we did that from like January to May. You started coming to church in February and pretty faithfully. Um Valent day before Valentine's Day. Day before Valentine. Still just carrying all the baggage, coming and sitting in the pew and staring at the screens, not singing the lyrics, just thinking, what do these words mean? And do I believe them?

SPEAKER_02 11:56

I did that for a long time.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

A long time. And we did Bible study every week. We were working together all the time. You had gotten to meet Aubrey and Lindsay that first time you came to church. Dustin was out of town. We went to have pizza after church, and you and Lindsay were fast friends, big, loud personalities, both of you and silly. And uh that was fun. There was an easy connection with her. Um and it's just started a relationship and really just a very intentional trying to point you to Christ because you were miserable and hurting in every way. Is there anything you would add to kind of the state you were in when we met?

SPEAKER_02 12:39

No, I don't think you said it was probably equal parts terrifying and intriguing, but I think everything I had tried up to that point was probably equal parts terrifying and intriguing. When you're that anxious and you're that desperate, you'll do just about anything.

SPEAKER_01 12:55

So and there are uh we didn't discuss this in advance, so I won't tell it, but there you lived a very specific kind of lifestyle as an adult because your biological mom passed away when you were what 15?

SPEAKER_02 13:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:12

Um, and then you were kind of you had people, but you didn't have consistency. Right. You moved around a lot. Do I recall correctly? You lived in your car for a blip. And on people's couches and in a motel. Like there was just a very yeah uh it was a hard way to grow up.

SPEAKER_02 13:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:32

And that too left wounds.

SPEAKER_02 13:35

Yeah. And I think I told you recently, I don't looking back on it, it feels like I was so much older than I was. But really, I was so young. Yeah, you were a baby.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

I was a baby. I like like think about this. You're a year older than Aubrey is right now.

SPEAKER_02 13:54

Yeah. But even when I was out in the city and doing all that stuff, like I I was still a baby. Like, I was not even legal yet for most of it.

SPEAKER_01 14:05

And in many ways, you were you were in those teen years where all teenagers feel like we've got independence and I know everything, and everybody around me is dumb, but you didn't have anybody else at that point guiding or teaching. And so you got you thought what you knew was what there was to know, right? And so there is even a a little bit of a stunting of growth there.

SPEAKER_02 14:30

Yeah. When everything is self-taught, but not everything is like filtered through like an adult brain.

SPEAKER_01 14:37

I mean, really, you know, like your frontal lobe wasn't even completely formed at that point. So um when we met, lots of, lots of struggles um, and fiercely independent because you had to be. That was the only way, like it was you you just gut out life. That's what you gotta do. And so we keep doing Bible study. And in May the 24th, the year of our Lord, 2007. The Lord gave you one of the things you'd been saying is if he's so good, if he loves me so much, where was he? And you had made this specific list of things that had happened to you. Where was he here? And where was he here? And I didn't know how to answer that. The only thing I need to say, because I don't know, like why, like Lord, I know you're good. I don't doubt that part, but why didn't you step in? Why didn't you intervene? And the only thing I knew to tell you was ask him.

SPEAKER_02 15:40

I had to go back to a place where I hadn't been in years. And we were talking about it because it affected me way more than like it caught me off guard how much it affected me. Because a a traumatic thing had happened in that place. Right. Many. And um we were talking about it, and you said, I remember where we were sitting, all of that and you said, maybe God brought you back there when he did, so that you could start to see it from a different angle. Like see where he was in all of it. Because I remember days after that, I just kept seeing uh the the event kept replaying in my head, but I was watching it happen.

SPEAKER_01 16:29

Instead of standing in it watching it happen to you, you were observing it almost like it was a third party.

SPEAKER_02 16:34

Yeah. And it was like God was behind me, which was a perspective I had never had before. And I'd called my one of my best friends, Brittany, shout-out. And I was like, Hey, uh, whenever God's trying to tell you something, or whenever God's answering a question for you, how do you know? And she was like, Usually it's repetitive, like it'll just keep showing up, or I can't stop thinking about it, or something like that. So I told her, I was like, Well, I keep seeing this thing that happened in my childhood. Um but instead of standing in it, I'm watching it happen and God's behind me. And I've been asking him where he was during all of this. Do you think that that's his answer? And she was like, buddy, I betcha. Except she didn't say it like that because she's from Phoenix. Yeah, it's very proper. Um, and so I was sitting on your couch and you were like, Maybe he brought you there so that you can start seeing new perspectives. And like that blew my mind. I don't know why it did, but it blew my mind. And I was like, I don't know what to do with this. Uh like I'm overwhelmed with this information because it but I don't know why I'm overwhelmed with this information. I don't know what to do with it. And then it was a Wednesday night, it was a church night, I wasn't going. Um, I wasn't a part of a life group or anything like that yet. And it was time for you guys to get ready for church, so I left and um I hadn't even made it out of the neighborhood. And I just got like really dazed. I is that the word? Like I just started driving really slow and I was like, I feel like I'm like supposed to go back, maybe, or something. I was like, if if I'm supposed to do this, Ashley's gonna call me. That's gonna be my sign.

SPEAKER_01 18:40

Ashley was loading up a gaggle full of middle school girls. I was doing the best I could to get us all into any any one vehicle, yeah. And she didn't call me, so I just kept driving.

SPEAKER_02 18:50

But I was so like out of it, and I was driving super slow. And finally, I was like, I feel like I need to pull out that list for some reason. Like, I don't I don't know why, but I feel like I need to pull out that list, and so I kind of I like made the loop, got onto the highway and then pulled into the parking lot of this strip mall thing and I pulled out the list and I started reading everything, and it was like every time I read something, I saw it in a different way, or it was like he was telling me where he was or how that situation is no longer something that I have to carry. Um and it was every single one and I was like, okay, that's it. You know, because I felt like I had been ready to say yes for a while, but I was like, I have to know this, right? I can't move forward until I do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:52

So I was like, okay, I feel like I feel like it's time. And so I called you. We met in the side parking lot at the church.

SPEAKER_02 19:57

Yeah. And I was still sitting in my car and you popped your head through the window and you're like, So we know this.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

And you uh it was it was the moment that she accepted Christ, and she was like, I don't know how, I don't know. And I was like, Well, you pray a prayer kind of, you know, like you confess your sin and you tell the Lord you know you need him, and you know, you ask him to come and save you, come and rescue you. And she was like, Yeah, I don't know how to do that. And I said, Write it down. Yeah. And so she sketched out the prayer. I'm so thankful that I did. Because you've referred to it several times. Yeah, because I still have it. And and then she wrote it and I was like, now say it out loud. And she was like, I still have to say it out loud. And uh and you prayed it out loud, and I was way more excited than you. Like I was like, come in, we're coming to life group, let's go. You know, because the it the Lord had given me the privilege of seeing five months worth of investment into your spiritual life come to the pinnacle and receive salvation. Um, and also that's where all the hope is, right? Like that's where all of this that you needed was and you'd been wrestling through it. Um, but I found out later, just some of the baggage you carry from childhood, that you said yes to Jesus, but you still expected to have to pay for every single sin. Uh, and that's why you were not as excited as I was, because you thought saying yes meant it's kind of like signing up for the army. Yeah, like okay, well, now the hard stuff starts. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:28

And well, and not only that, but let's talk about how she drug me into life group that night. And it just so happened to be the night that they were planning all their service. Like, oh, we were planning acts of service for the group. And so I just became a Christian. I'm sitting here in this life group, I'm not even a part of. And I'm like, what did I just sign up for? Because they're passing around sheets and forms and Which is maybe the only time we've ever done that in Live Group. And I'm like, I gotta go volunteer where I I gotta go build a what? I gotta go wash a hoop. I'm like, what am I doing here?

SPEAKER_01 22:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:06

I was like, this is not what I thought I was signing up for.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

And it it really has ended up being so much better. Um, but we we continued to meet and uh I just I felt like my responsibility was to continue discipling you, which I did. Um, and then in October, Dustin baptized you in the pool at the pastor's house at 6 a.m. while it was still dark and the heaters didn't work because Britney was gonna be in town for 12 hours.

SPEAKER_02 22:36

Because we were going on a road trip to Illinois to meet up with the rest of our crew.

SPEAKER_01 22:40

Yeah. And so early morning pooled outdoor baptism in October was so fun for everybody, but it was a memory. And it's a good one. And then continued to just like we're studying the Bible all the time, we're talking through things, and you know, nowhere in scripture does it say when you come to Christ, everything becomes sunshine and roses and unicorns. Like nowhere does it say that's when the hard stuff stops. And so there's been hard thing after hard thing after hard thing, and really most of the hard things are learning how to pull off old stuff and be a new creation. Um, and so I really even by the end of that year, felt like a hundred percent in my bones I was your spiritual mom.

SPEAKER_02 23:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:22

You know, like that that was my role. And uh, and then we rolled around to Holy Week, which we talked about on the last episode and just how present God was. And um a little bit before that, he started speaking to you, Carly, very, very clearly. Yeah. And the only other person I knew in the whole world that he spoke to that clearly was Meredith. And so I was like, You have to know each other.

SPEAKER_02 23:50

I feel like we've covered this in between separate, or we've done it all. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 23:57

And we touched pieces of it, but not in a full picture. So we brought the two of them together, and then all of Holy Week happened, which was this incredible just baptism in the spirit. Like it was just it was thick, uh, you know, for a week and it was over. And the we felt like the Lord, we mentioned this last time. The Lord had given a lot of instructions. We were going into it, and like every service that week we would debrief. And then when we got done at the end of the week, we felt like we needed to debrief all the debriefs and we needed to like make notes of the things he had said. And what we're doing.

SPEAKER_02 24:30

If you could see the spreadsheet, the spreadsheet's legit. The spreadsheet is it's like a CVS receipt.

SPEAKER_01 24:37

Well, and you know what? You know what happened? Yeah, it just keeps going and going. We we got all of that documented, and then I realized at some point, like after May, like Holy Week was uh was at the end of March, and after or no, it was in April this year. A month later, we quit putting stuff in the spreadsheet. But I think it's like we thought he was only gonna talk and be present like that then, and we didn't want to miss any detail. You know why we stopped putting stuff in the spreadsheet? Because you were in charge of the spreadsheet, because you put the ADHD person in charge of the spreadsheet. This is this is a technical error on my part.

SPEAKER_02 25:11

We'll give that one to Alyssa.

SPEAKER_01 25:13

Yeah, for sure. So we we all got together on April 4th on my back porch, which was the like the Thursday after Easter, and just to visit. And all of a sudden, the Lord, you had done something. You had done something rebellious in your heart. The Lord had given you an instruction and you had disobeyed it, and you were dealing with the immediate repercussions. And uh, I was like, I found out what you do. I'm like, girl, you better repent. You better tell him you're sorry. And we're so all three of us are on the porch again. A lot of good things happen on the porch with the three of us, and we're praying. And do you remember what he said to you? He said very clearly, you've sinned against me and your mother.

SPEAKER_02 25:59

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:00

It was the first time that he called me your mom. And I had kind of operated with the understanding that I was her spiritual mom.

SPEAKER_02 26:07

But I remember when that, like you were plugging it, you were like standing on the couch, plugging in an HTMI cord. So that we could see our spreadsheet on the TV. I'm telling you, it was serious. And you like whipped your head around, you were like, huh.

SPEAKER_01 26:24

I'd like I've always considered myself Yeah, but to hear the Lord affirm it was something. And then and then from there, he just kept talking about us being a family. It was just so clear and so repetitive to Britney's point, you know. To multiple people. Yes, to all of us, to Meredith, to um really just in so many ways. And and then he said, so that's that's in April 4th, and by the end of May.

SPEAKER_02 26:56

4424.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

4424, and by the end of May, he was giving instructions about a book called Grafted. And I was like, I'm sorry, sir. I am not sure that I even want to be saying yes to this right now. Like this, we're still very much in flux. And you want me to write a book about it? But I know now why. One, this is gonna be one of the most beautiful stories I've ever gotten to live. But also two, my memory is like that of an elephant. Like it's like here and it's gone. And so it needed to be written down while it was happening.

SPEAKER_02 27:26

But um and I'm realizing now because here uh on December 20th, things have gotten so much easier. And when things get easier, it's so it's hard to remember how hard they were.

SPEAKER_03 27:44

Yes, yes. Hey, it's Meredith with your verse of the day that comes from Romans 8, 14 through 16. For all those led by God's Spirit are God's sons, for you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear. Instead, you received the spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, Abba Father. The Spirit Himself testifies together with our Spirit that we are God's children. No matter how you've been hurt in the past, no matter what hurts may come in the future, we can cry out to our Abba Father, knowing that He will answer.

SPEAKER_01 28:21

Okay, so the whole point of this episode is to give glory to God and to give hope to people. Um and so we told a very long story to tell that. But Carly has become our kid. Um, we we Dustin and I are raising her. The Lord was very clear that she didn't she didn't really get to live in his design uh in a home with love coupled with discipline. Um just he kept saying you need to learn to be under loving authority so that you know what it means to be under his loving authority. And we got to be the chosen instrument for that, which is mind-boggling. Uh, because I don't like I don't know if any parents are doing a good job, but I know for sure I'm not. So the fact that we got picked is nuts. Um, but it has been beautiful. Now, I know what all the transformation points have been so up to up to date. But Carly, what would you say you have seen? Like, what are the biggest things that you feel like you've experienced freedom from, or like the biggest things that are fundamentally different about you after having a grafted family for eight months? Because that's where we're at right now is eight months.

SPEAKER_02 29:38

Wow, eight months really. Yeah. Um a consistent feeling of safety, which is uh not something I'm sure I've ever had, and peace of mind, you know, being able to like just exist in like a family and know that like everyone is in my corner and I'm in their corner. Yeah, you know. Um because there were times where even though I felt safe, like I I I as I was getting settled into the family, like even though I felt safe, there was still baggage there. Um like there was one day where Lindsay had gosh, she spilled that rice all over the bathroom. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:25

And I was like, Lindsay. Like I didn't even yell. Like I was very tempered. Like I was like, Lindsay, what did you do? And the next thing I know, Carly's just in the car, it just sitting outside. She's and and you said you were saying, like, I know I'm safe. I know I'm safe.

SPEAKER_02 30:40

But just the the old It's like it was like wired in me to like make yourself small, like get out of like remove yourself from the situation to either not become a victim or not be an added burden. You know? Yeah. And um, like I didn't talk the whole ride to town.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

And I was like, you you okay? Yeah. And you're like, I just need a minute.

SPEAKER_02 31:08

Yeah. Because I was actively like it was like the angel and devil on your shoulder, you know. Like I I knew I was safe because I knew who I was with, you know? But also I knew that there was just a confrontation. And so if I stay quiet, I I do not become part of the confrontation.

SPEAKER_01 31:26

Yeah. So uh before I share the things that I've seen, Meredith, you've kind of gotten to watch the whole thing as a third party.

SPEAKER_02 31:34

Oh yeah. Hi Meredith. Yes, hi.

SPEAKER_01 31:37

We heard her sweet little giggle once. Um, what have you observed? What either as we've been grafted together or like changes that you've observed in Carly where you can see because I think sometimes we're maybe in the forest, and it's hard to see the trees for the forest, but you get to live on a different street and see us once a week or twice a week, or three times this week. Um, like what does it look like from your perspective?

SPEAKER_03 32:04

So even from the very beginning, like Carly starts coming to church. I'm like, oh, this is the Carly that Ashley has talked about for Smalley Consulting. And and so it was just from the outside in knowing who you were. And I remember Ashley saying, That's Carly.

SPEAKER_02 32:25

Don't touch her.

SPEAKER_01 32:28

Okay, because Meredith is one of the best huggers that has ever lived in all of time. And uh and so sweet and so loving. And I remember you saying, like, I want to make her feel welcome here. How do I make her feel welcome here? And I was like, Don't touch her.

SPEAKER_03 32:43

So I did touch her.

SPEAKER_02 32:45

That rule still stands, by the way. That didn't go away with a family, no. So only authorized touchers.

SPEAKER_03 32:53

Well, it's different for me, for me, trying to find a way to connect with you without without touching you. Um but also you were very shy, like you you didn't, I think you said maybe two words to me the first time I ever tried talking to you, and I was like, okay, I'm walking away now, good. Um but knowing that you were going through things and then the Sundays you weren't there, like I was sad. I was just like, oh, I miss her. I wish she was here, just because your presence was just something I was accustomed to. I was like, oh, well, Carly's here. And when you weren't there, it was noticeable. Um and so I would always check on you. Um, but just through the months, through the it's years now, but it feels like 300. It was there. It's kind of like kind of like having a rope between y'all, and then slowly it's just getting shorter and shorter and shorter and shorter until y'all are just right next to each other. That's kind of what it feels like. Where it's just like Lady in the tramp with the spaghetti. Exactly. All in between.

SPEAKER_01 34:07

Me both mine.

SPEAKER_03 34:08

Yes. So it was just like every time I saw y'all together, y'all were just closer and closer and closer and closer each time until it was like, oh, of course. Carly's with Ashley. Like it was expected for both of y'all to be there. And then on the porch, the first time the Lord referenced you, Ashley, as her mother, it just kind of was like, Yeah, like that's what this is. Like, and so it just seemed so natural to me. Um growing up, our family always like took in so many people, like whether it was my mom babysitting them after school or people really needed help at our church. And so we just adopted them and they came and stayed with us for a couple days, you know, weeks, whatever. Um, two college students that were coming over from a different country and had nothing. So we had to help them get on their feet here. And so to me, it was so natural that I was like, yeah, this is this is a relationship that exists all the time.

SPEAKER_01 35:19

And you know what's very different than that though, is getting a 29-year-old who is 29 on paper, but as we talked about, has been living independently for the most part since 15 and never really nurtured or taught the things that you need to know to be able to exist successfully as an adult without like with Aubrey and Lindsay, they're 11 and 13, and I'm teaching them right now that your emotions are not the end-all be-all. Like they're good and you should feel them, but they don't get to control you. They're not the boss of you and they don't dictate how you act. Um, because that that impacts relationships as adults. I mean, in a very significant way. And so to get a 29-year-old who's 29 on paper, but without the social nuance, right? Like without those skills, having never, never known that she didn't have to do things on her own and needing direction and having the Lord be very clear that I was supposed to be the giver of said direction, that's weird. You know, like to start bossing a 29-year-old around is weird. Uh, but he would not stop talking about it, you know, like she needs, she needs to live in my design, she needs to be taught those things.

SPEAKER_03 36:37

Well, and what I love is that God kind of interjected with you on more than one occasion of like, she's this many years old. And then later, she's this many. So it gave you kind of that starting point of like, how do I parent right now?

SPEAKER_01 36:56

But also the graciousness for me and her both to be like, but hold up, it's been six months and you've grown this many years. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 37:04

And I I will say, from the shy woman who barely said two words to me the first time we met, I mean, you have flourished. I mean, it's beautiful to see from how you acted when you first came to church to your joyous and bubbly and funny and sarcastic and beautiful personality. Now, I mean, it's just like you've bloomed. Really.

SPEAKER_01 37:36

Well, and there are so beautiful. There are, I can think of one specifically lady at church who's a little older. And so, like, our lives, she's in our life group. So our lives cross, but we haven't really talked about this in our like not to a like we haven't laid it all out for everybody. We haven't said, like, here's the outline for the book grafted, and this is what we're living. Like, it's just like Carly's our kid now, and everybody's like, okay, you know, like, all right, yeah, that's normal.

SPEAKER_02 38:03

Which I'm really thankful for, by the way. What do you mean when in our churches listening?

SPEAKER_01 38:08

Like that they were so willing.

SPEAKER_02 38:10

Yeah, there was it feels like there was never a a pause, a hesitancy. Yeah. With the people at church. It was like Yes, okay.

SPEAKER_01 38:22

Well, in the second that we that we said we feel like the Lord has given her to us as our child, and we are a family now, like you were a smallly.

SPEAKER_02 38:31

Yeah. You know it I don't think they understand how badly that was needed whenever none of the rest of the world acknowledges it. Or knows. Or knows. Yeah. And when you're trying to graft yourself into a family, but you're the only people that acknowledge yourself as family, it's very difficult. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:57

And really, I feel like let me finish the thought and then I'm gonna come right back to that. So she out of the blue, six or seven months in, just said, Hey, Carly has grown up so much. Like it's amazing to watch how the Lord is using her and how the Lord is working. She has grown up so much. And to me, that was really cool that like the world can see you are turning into the woman he designed you to be. It just was a delayed start, you know. Um back to what you're talking about. The I feel like our church family was more accepting of us being a family than we all were at the same time on any given day. Like they were like, that's Carly Smalley, you know, like um, and and just calling us the Smallies and, you know, just all together. And meanwhile, kind of at all times for probably five or six months, somebody, one of the five of us, was like, I don't know if I want to do this. Like, I don't know, not today, you know, not today. And it might have been one of the sisters or dad or me or you just being like, I don't know. And meanwhile, our church family is like, this is amazing.

SPEAKER_02 40:07

Yeah. You know, like I'd be sitting somewhere and someone would walk around there and be like, Hey, have you seen your mom? Yes. And I'm like, wait, oh, she's over there.

SPEAKER_01 40:16

Well, and my and my stepsister is also named Carly, and she works at the church. And so people would come up and say, Do you know where Carly is? Or where's Carly? And I'm like, Oh, she's not working today, you know, she's not gonna be here today. And they're like, No, your daughter. And I'm like, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. Um, I don't know where she is. She's very slippery. She's probably hiding somewhere. And that that's that that's an observation I would make. Like, you don't hide in public settings as much as you used to. She's eaten from shared plates of food. Like there, Carly, like, y'all, when I say that there were many things that plagued her, I'm not sure that I can identify a single part of your life that was not marred in some way by the way you were treated growing up. And they may not make sense on the surface that they're connected, but once we start pulling the layers back and getting to the, okay, but why this behavior? That we go like, oh, well, that's rooted in this, that's definitely tied to that. Um, and it's one thing after another that the Lord is like just shucking off and just like peeling off this layer and peeling off that layer and getting down to and what I think you're experiencing, Meredith, is you're getting to see who she is without all the weight that she's been carrying.

SPEAKER_03 41:34

Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 41:35

You know, for sure. Like this is who she is. Um, this the one that says greetings. Like that. But like you and I, from the very first time that we met, Carly, have had a very funny, uh, sarcastic, kind of cutting bond in the way that we just joke and laugh, like we picked right up. Yeah, no, that's you. But not everybody gets to see it because it's been so weighted down and it's like the Lord is just like setting her free a little bit like that.

SPEAKER_03 42:04

Can we talk about that sarcastic bond? That is the smally.

unknown 42:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:08

And so the fact that Carly can just walk right in and be like, yeah, that's me too. It's like, thank you. Oh, right, God. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 42:15

Okay, sure.

SPEAKER_01 42:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:16

Um, I can you imagine if I was just like if you were the kind one, I don't even know.

SPEAKER_01 42:22

I think the Lord, the Lord would have given you to the homes. So I guess here's how I would round this out. God is good beyond measure. And in the most unspeakable circumstances, He is still present and he is still working.

SPEAKER_00 42:42

Amen.

SPEAKER_01 42:45

And if you have a circumstance where you were wondering, where is he and why hasn't he shown up yet? Start asking him. Because I mean, it was months of asking, but the answer set you free and set you on the path to your destiny. I mean, like your purpose and your the fulfillment of who you are. He, Ephesians 2.10 says he created you for good works before you were ever born, for good works you were going to do through Christ Jesus, as a real bad paraphrase. I could sing you the song from VBS if you'd like. Ahead of time. For us that ahead of time. Shout out to Lifeway uh Smart Studios, VBS. Um, you were who you were, and this was the pathway that he brought you through to get to it. And you have articulated to me things that I would have never imagined knowing what you've been through. You've articulated forgiveness of your mother, which when I mentioned it, do you remember the first time I said, I mean, at some point he's probably gonna talk to you about forgiveness, but that doesn't have to be for today. And her attitude was basically like. Peace out. I am done. That's happening. If that's part of the deal, I ain't in it. Yeah. I'm not here for that. And I mean, it was less than six months for after being saved. Yeah. Or less than a year after being saved. And it wasn't just her. It was so many others. So many people. Uh and so forgiveness and joy. Yeah. And it's, I mean, like, please let us not indicate that in December of 2024 everything is now sunshine and roses and everything's good. No. But the biggest, heaviest, weightiest things have been removed so that the Lord can continue his refining work. Yeah. He's taking that past and that pain and he's giving it purpose that will benefit not just you, but people all over for all of eternity.

SPEAKER_02 44:49

He's doing a puzzle and he got all the edge pieces though.

SPEAKER_01 44:52

Yeah, that's it really it is that. And uh and it is a privilege to be in a front row seat to what he's doing. And it's also hard. And so uh for those of you who are in a position where God is calling you to a hard thing that requires a continual investment into someone else's life, say yes.

SPEAKER_02 45:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:16

It's hard, but say yes and you won't regret it.

SPEAKER_02 45:18

And I think if you're where I was and you no matter what your history with church or God is, if you have one at all and you're like, no, I'm fine. Like or maybe there are like a lot of bad things that have happened to you, but otherwise everything else seems good. I can tell you firsthand that I didn't there were there were good things already in my life that I did not know could be better, but that are exponentially better. Thank you, God. Like the bad things are gone, the good things are better, and the bad things are replaced with good things. Yeah. And so like it's only a winning situation. Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 46:05

So um at his direction, we are writing a book called Grafted. We're excited about it. Uh it'll be out not in 2020, not in 2025, uh, but it'll be out sometime uh in maybe 2026. I'm trying to open my phone while I'm talking to this so I can tell you what the tagline is. I can't remember. Something about a family and a face story of love and I don't know. You'll just probably have to wait for the book to come out. Uh and we're we are not one bit excited about being known or like trying to glorify ourselves. But we really, really, really desperately want to be obedient to the Lord, and if he intends to use this to bring purpose into other people's pain and to replace their morning with dancing and their ashes with beauty and he wants to use this story to be the conduit for that, then so be it, God, to you be the glory.

SPEAKER_02 47:11

I'm actually at a point where I'm still very nervous and very hesitant to share the story.

SPEAKER_01 47:17

And that's just honest.

SPEAKER_02 47:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:19

But you're doing it.

SPEAKER_02 47:20

You're one foot in front of the other doing it because I hope that I can look back this time next year or whatever at this podcast and be like, why were you so worried? You know. You will.

SPEAKER_01 47:31

You will. Well, y'all, we are glad that you joined us. Um, we know this was a heavier episode, um, but also one that is fundamental to who we are and to the work that God is doing in our midst right now. It is faith at work to step out and say yes to the things he calls you to. And so that's that's part of what we're doing here. So keep your eye out for the next episode. We'll be talking about the importance of community. Carly mentioned Alyssa a little earlier, just in passing, and she is joining us as a special guest. Uh, we'll you'll get to learn more about her next week. Um, in the meantime, Carly hit them with that marketing stuff.

SPEAKER_02 48:06

First, I would like to say something. If somebody in your life ever like says that somebody is hurting them, like, don't dismiss it. Like, I I think even if it turns out to be fake, it's worth looking into.

SPEAKER_01 48:20

You know what I would say to that is uh if someone is making it up, there is a hurt there that needs to be addressed anyway.

SPEAKER_02 48:29

Right. Or even if you see, because I I can't tell you how many times I walked around with evidence on my body. Um, or people just kind of looked away when someone was a little heavier handed in public than they should have been. Say something or do something. You know, because you could save a life and you could change a life. I think it's our responsibility to say something or do something and take action whenever that stuff is happening. And if somebody comes to you and tries to be vulnerable and share their story, even if you know the person, um, try to default towards belief unless you have proof otherwise. Okay, thank you for that. You're welcome. If you witness or suspect the abuse or neglect of a child, please contact someone immediately. If you're in Texas, call 1-800-252-5400 or report online at www.txabusehotline.com. If you're a child experiencing abuse or neglect, you can call or text HELP to 800-422-4453 or visit childhelphotline.org. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, contact your local police department first. And please consider supporting or donating to child welfare nonprofits, like your local guardians of the children, CASA, or Children's Advocacy Center. Every child should have a voice. And by doing our part, we help to break the silence. We hope you'll subscribe and rate the podcast wherever you're listening. Like the episode and share it with a friend. And most importantly, we want to hear from you. Send your questions, stories, or topic suggestions to faith at workpod at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_01 50:28

Catch you guys on the next episode. Peace out. Bye bye.